Coming out of the closet is a very hard thing to do. People have different experiences of coming out and that’s why, although there are many videos online, we all have an obligation and the responsibility to tell our stories.
This is the Number 1 reason I wanted to make this video. I know that through telling my coming out story and speaking my truth I (we) have the power to create real changes for a more peaceful, loving and equal world.
I hope my personal story will help someone living in the same situation find the courage to be who is truly meant to be in this beautiful World.
You deserve to be who you want to be.
You deserve to be happy.
You deserve to love whoever you want to love.
You deserve to FULLY and AUTHENTICALLY live your fucking beautiful, messy life.
Well, I guess you’ve already figured out what I’m going to talk about by the title of this video.
This was something that I’ve always wanted to share with you but for some weird reasons I never did. So, here’s my coming out story.
It feels so good to be who I truly am. You see, coming out is not easy at all, but accepting being gay, well this is the hardest challenge to face.
I always kind of knew that I was, that I am gay, but it was probably around 13-14 years old when I started to realize that I was attracted to other boys rather than girls. I started to question: “Hey what the fuck? This isn’t right. No ways, it’s never going to happen.”
I tried to come up with some explanations to describe the feelings that I was having. Anything, besides being gay.
I was so scared to face the truth that every day I repeated to myself, literally: “I am straight. I am straight. I am straight. I am fucking straight.”
Obviously, it didn’t work. So, in the years following, I just buried my feelings and emotions, buried them under tonnes of fake behaviours, fake smiles, fake actions. A fake Luigi.
I wasn’t living anymore. I was merely surviving and walking through life like a zombie.
And when my friends were looking at other girls alongside very masculine expressions, such as: “Holy shit, look at that chick. Damn, She’s hot AF! I want to bang-bang”
Outside I was like: “Yeaaah, hmmmm. Right! YO!”
But inside, it was like: “Oh god. I’m gonna die. I’m gonna die. I’m gonna die! Breathe. Breathe. Breaaaaaaaaaaaaaaathe. No, I can’t breathe, I’m dying.”
It was painful like a twisting knife in my belly, because I knew who I was and not accepting that was mentally and physically exhausting. I also started to get sick often, literally.
So, one day I woke up and something in me clicked and I said: “Today is the day. Today is the day I’m going to say I’m gay”.
I was having lunch with my parents and I was shaking and sweating with a heavy breath. And my mom was like:
MOM: “Hey what’s going on? Are you OK?”
ME: “YES, SUUUUUUUUUUURE!”
I couldn’t say it right away. The words couldn’t come out of my mouth.
So I decided to tell my brother writing him a letter. And while I was giving him the letter I thought: “This is it. This is it. The moment of the truth”.
After reading the letter he busted into tears and told me that he was shocked, but he still loves me no matter who I want to spend the rest of my life with. From there, everything came on its own. My parents and sister, then my extended family and finally my friends.
I knew that my coming out was going to be a positive experience, because I’m really fortunate to have an extraordinary super supportive family, and I often regret not having done it sooner. However, I first needed to accept myself. I needed to be first comfortable with who I was in my own skin. Once you come out, your life changes completely. It’s like a cleansing that you finally get to be honest about what’s going on inside of you. It’s like learning to live again, and trust me, there is no better rebirth than acknowledging who you truly are.
So guys, I truly encourage you to come out as soon as you feel ready. Obviously, take the time to consider your own personal circumstances when making the decision to tell people close to you that you are gay. What may be right for me, may not be right for you. Focus on yourself and say it as soon as you feel ready. You don’t need to do it in front of a camera in order to film your parent’s reaction or something stupid like that. This moment it’s only yours. It’s not a race. It’s not a competition for likes and shares. It’s your private moment of freedom.
If you are scared AF, an advice from my personal experience is to choose one person who you trust more than anyone else – a friend, a sibling, or a teacher. As soon as you’ve opened up to the first person things will seem a thousand times easier and clearer for you.
Then give people time to digest the news. It may come as a complete surprise and they may have questions, so be prepared to face both negative reactions than surprise reactions, and awesome reactions.
Trust me, coming out is one of the most amazing things you will ever do. You will finally be able to be your whole self and it WILL completely change your life. Obviously, the experience is different for everyone, but no matter what happens, just remember that you are doing the right thing, you are allowing yourself to be who you were always meant to be and this means you can start living YOUR life!
So, guys now I’d like to know from you: “What is the main fear that is stopping you from coming out? What’s holding you back from doing it?”
Sharing your thoughts can really help someone living with the same fears and in your similar situation find the courage to come out.
And remember, IT’S YOUR FUCKING LIFE!
See you in the next video.
Peace to the world.